When was the last time you said “You are doing a great job!” to yourself? My family makes fun of me because I constantly mumble things to myself like “Ugh … I forgot to get gas last night” or “I can’t believe I didn’t put the laundry in the dryer.” But I don’t remember ever saying: “I did a really good job today getting things done.” In short, I don’t have much self-compassion, and chances are you don’t either.
In The New York Times article “How to stop being so hard on yourself,” reporter Christina Caron explains that though it is normal to be your own harshest critic, people “who display more self-compassion are more resilient.”
Self-compassion isn’t self-care, self-indulgent or a pity party, she explains. Rather, it is a way to reframe your stressful emotions and allow you to move past them.
If you feel your jaw clench or stomach becoming queasy, Caron says to pay attention to what is causing the stress and redirect it from placing undue blame or negativity on yourself.
Instead of beating yourself up over something you did or did not do, you could say to yourself: “It’s OK. I made a mistake and I’m doing the best I can.”
Caron writes: “One small study of 135 undergraduates found that those who regularly spent 20 seconds a day … thinking kind thoughts like ‘How can I be a friend to myself in this moment?’ reported feeling less stressed and were found to have more compassion for themselves after a month.”
As you become more self-compassionate, you can more easily identify when you feel defeated or inadequate and won’t become lost in those feelings. Instead, you can respond to yourself with kindness instead of ruminating, Caron explains.
In the words of the Muppet Grover: “Good job, everybodyyyyyyy!”
AMBIKA PUNIANI REID
Editor of Professional Roofing
Vice president of communications
NRCA
